When parents become locusts — the Easter egg hunt tragedy

It’s a sad state of affairs when you find parents acting more childish than the kids. It’s really bad when they do it during a holiday.

I was sitting at home on Easter, recovering from a nasty cold, when I came across a story about an Easter egg hunt gone horribly wrong. The Pez candy company held a hunt at a facility in Connecticut, with three separate fields for different age groups and staggered start times.

Now, most of us know that Easter is a day that celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Parents at the Pez event apparently decided to reenact another biblical concept—the swarm of locusts—and descended on fields before the official start time, knocking over kids as young as 4 years old to scoop up 9,000 little plastic eggs.

It’s official: Greed has claimed yet another holiday. One of the deadly sins, greed is no longer happy devouring the leftover remains of Thanksgiving and has now set its sights on Easter, further perpetuating the new American culture of “Me, me, me!”

Thankfully, there were no reports of injuries as a result of parental running of the bulls, but there easily could have been. Broken baskets and broken hearts were the only casualties.

You’ve got to wonder what kind of twisted moms and dads would mow down defenseless children just so their greedy brats can waltz out with a mountain of candy that will likely make them sick. Parents are supposed to be examples of virtue, but what kind of lessons do children learn as they watch them move around the field like Pac-Man, scooping up eggs like power pellets?

I am beyond tired of seeing holidays ruined by greed. It is ridiculous to see that parents are taking days of goodwill and love and desecrating them. Holidays are meant to bring people closer, not drive them apart or—worse—cull the herd.

When I was a kid, parents were parents. In other words, enforcers. You got to go out and play, but you’d better get your butt home before dinner. If kids behaved the way the parents in Connecticut did, there would have been a whipping.

Now, parents are overprotective bodyguards. They want their kids to have everything they apparently didn’t have because their parents were real parents and not Tootsie Rolls that let the kids call the shots. It’s like these parents were cloned from the parents of Veruca Salt, the character in the book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who always got what she wanted because her parents were unwilling to say no.

Maybe the next time Pez holds an Easter egg hunt, it could install garbage chutes that bad parents could fall through. Okay, getting off topic…

If I were Pez, I’d either call off the hunt in future years or take necessary steps to prevent greedy parents from seizing control. There are only a few opportunities in childhood to enjoy Easter egg hunts. Everything that can be done to prevent those memories from being horrible and traumatic should be done.

If I were the parents, I’d just stay home and have a hunt in the yard or the house. Fewer casualties that way.

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