Smunday! Smunday! Smunday! A condiment company’s bad attempt at a holiday

There’s just more than a week remaining until the 51st Super Bowl, a time-honored tradition where two football teams compete to be the best in the land—and companies spend big-time bucks to come up with the craziest commercials imaginable to get you to buy their products.

If you’re living in Georgia or the New England states, you’re probably salivating right now as your team of choice is furiously in practice coming up with every play imaginable to leave the other team in the dust. When the big day comes, you’re likely to plop down in front of your television set or go to a friend’s house—if you’re not fortunate enough to score tickets to attend the game in person—and down some chips and dips, grill some burgers and chug a few beers. After all, football is not just a feat of strength and athleticism, it’s an event.

Chances are that, on Super Bowl day, you’re going to party into the wee hours of the night if your team wins or drown your sorrows if your team blows it hardcore. That means Monday is going to be a little tough to stomach for some folks.

Have no fear, though. The Heinz Co., in its infinite wisdom, is hoping to urge Congress to declare the day after the Super Bowl as a national holiday. They currently have a petition circulating on for folks to sign, and there are more than 27,000 signatures as I’m writing this. Once it reaches 100,000, the petition is expected to be forwarded to our federal representatives.

Here’s their sales pitch on why we should have a national holiday right after the Super Bowl:

“Statistics show over 16 million people call in sick or just don’t show up to work. And for those that do, productivity plummets so far that the country loses on average around $1 billion (true story). Enough with the madness. This is where you come in.

“Sign the petition to make the day after the Big Game a National Holiday. Share it with friends, family and even strangers and get them to sign it. If we get over 100,000 signatures, it will be sent to Congress.

“If we can make Big Game Sunday awesome, we can make the Monday after awesome too. Make that Monday more like Sunday. Make it a Smunday and have more Sunday on your Monday than any of us have ever had in our lives. Don’t settle. Sign it. For your sanity. For your family. For your country.”

Sounds good, huh? You’re not going to go to work the next day, so why should you have to? Let’s have a holiday and give ourselves a little extra time to prepare for reintegration into the real world.

Here’s my answer to that: No. Just no.

It’s not like we’re lacking in national holidays. We’ve already got two in January alone (New Year’s Day and Martin Luther King Day), along with President’s Day in February, which of course came about because we didn’t want two separate holidays celebrating the birth of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Don’t forget we also have national holidays for Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. That’s 10 national holidays in all. Do we really need another one?

Besides, just because a national holiday is going to be declared doesn’t mean all the businesses are going to close for the day. We’re not all fortunate enough to be employed by federal, state or local governments, and even on major holidays, you’re still going to have grocery stores, restaurants, gas stations, big box stores and many other businesses opening because nothing says “holiday” like commercialism. Banks and other services will be closed, which will be an annoyance to the rest of us. Many of us will still have to report to work Feb. 5, even if there is a holiday.

So what if 16 million people don’t come in to work the day after the Super Bowl? If you just don’t show up, you ought to be fired, as it’s clear you’re undependable when the chips are down. If you’re sick, then take a sick day. This is America, where you make your way in life by the sweat of your brow, not the pool of vomit you wake up in.

As for the Monday argument, I’ve got news for the folks at Heinz. Nobody’s real big about wanting to work on Mondays. Speaking for myself, I know I’ve just gotten the relaxing groove down around Sunday night, and the last thing I want to think about is going back and being a responsible adult. Doesn’t mean I need a holiday, as that will only result in Tuesdays being the most loathed days of the week.

Besides, if you’ve ever lived in Wisconsin, you know that pretty much every Sunday during football season is a huge, no holds barred party with people drinking to excess because everybody loves the Green Bay Packers. Most of us still find our way to work on Monday mornings, so one Monday holiday wouldn’t work for the Cheeseheads.

Then there’s the fact they’re only pushing for a holiday following the Super Bowl. What about the World Series? The NBA Finals? The Stanley Cup? Way to alienate non-football sports fans. It’s probably not the best strategy to promote your brand. Just saying.

One more beef to address: Smunday? Really? The English language isn’t butchered enough? You decide to squish the two days into one word and think it’s clever? Forcing the serenity of Sunday to breed with the perverseness of Monday and having them create a demon offspring all in the name of football fandom is beyond the pale.

I say, forget about the holiday plans and try to ketchup on your mustard orders. (Sorry, that pun just wouldn’t stay in my head.)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s